Note to Self

This is a collection of unpublished "Notes to Self" recovered from Bill's desk.

  • If you are 20 feet up on a ladder and a bee is after you, do not jump.

  • If you are on a beach in Hawaii and there are signs that say "no swimming" "dangerous shore break" or show and upside-down person with an "X" through their neck...don't go body surfing there.

  • If you are tubing behind a jet ski, don't have a spotter, are trying to get back to shore...don't try to hold the tube with one hand and the rope with the other.

  • If you are jet skiing in very cold conditions make sure you can disengage your fingers from the throttle before you start heading toward the beach wall.

  • If you are not a superb skier and decide to get pointers while following the guy that was on the U.S. Ski Team for bumps and aerials....don't try to recover from an elevated cartwheel....just stay down.

  • If you are forced to spar in Tae Kwondo class with a black belt 108 pound English girl...2nd you successfully kick her in the stomach....don't wait around apologizing until she catches her breath...just start running away.

  • In Tae Kwondo, don't pick Conan the Barbarian as a sparring partner....and if you do....don't get all excited just because you have better technique.

  • If you are not allowed to ski because you have a broken arm/shoulder, think seriously before you try to go snowshoeing on Mount Washington.

  • If you crack a rib while playing volleyball...you may want to avoid the playoffs. Think twice about white water rafting, perhaps should not play tackle keep away in a pool.

  • If you are going out for martinis on a Friday afternoon, you should probably eat more than the 30 olives that come in the 10 martinis.

  • If you find yourself on a jetski, in a hurricaine storm surge, in open ocean off Brenton Point in Newport, and you notice that it is riding very low in the water...ride it around for a little before you put two people on it.

  • If you see a huge wasp nest that exceeds four feet in diameter....don't shoot at it with a bow and arrow.

  • If you are playing with matches and happen to start a fire....don't use your jacket to put the fire out unless you want to be caught.

  • If you are at your girlfriend's house and hear someone suddenly come home...hide in a closet or do something other than jump out a second story window while she is throwing your stuff out behind you.

  • If you are going to write Penthouse quality letters to your high school girlfrind...first make sure her mom does not open her mail and call your mom to talk about it.

  • If you insist on falsifying your SCUBA certification and going 90 feet down for your first diving experience, know that sea creatures do not universally make a clicking noise...that is the lead diver trying to get your attention.

  • If you are going to jog around Providence during the St. Patrick's parade day, don't ask Free Willy for a good place to park your car.

  • If you are in a long and boring meeting...fall asleep like everyone else...don't work feverously writing a research paper about something else...they will think that you are taking notes and will ask you to do the minutes.

  • If you are dealing poker and you make fun of someone else's draw by calling it the "loser"<edited> card wait until you have dealt your own.

  • If your aunt likes to make two easter eggs and one cheese ball to give to kids at easter, tell her it is a bad idea right away. Getting the cheeseball will scar you for life.

  • If you are going to do a half ironman warmup in Maine, going to drink beer all night long, going to white water raft on the Kennebeck river in Maine, have more than just coffee for breakfast.

  • If you have a skiing accident and your shoulder hurts really really bad...don't ski the rest of the day, don't go dancing at a ski club party, don't move furniture the next day, don't try to roll down the truck window to pay a toll, don't work all day the following day...go get an x-ray.